You have some things in common with my husband. You like beer and you like T-shirts with funny or sarcastic words on it. The night you finally met my husband, the two of you decided to wear one of those T-shirts. I, of course had one that says Drama Queen but I didn’t think that was very attractive so I didn’t wear it. Unbeknownst to me, you wanted to give me one of yours that has supposedly gotten too small. It says, “Friends with Privileges”, how appropriate.
Since then, my privileges with you have diminished way more than I’ve expected. All I have left now is that T-shirt. I would hold it close and be transported to our happy, euphoric times together. Back when you would kiss me on my head while I snuggle up to you. Back when I would feel so safe in your arms. Back when you would caress every inch of my skin and make all my troubles melt away. Back when you would kiss me so passionately that it feels like we’re the only two people left in this world.
I didn’t want to wear the T-shirt at first because I didn’t want to wash it and risk losing its smell of you, the smell that was the “ON” button for all those wonderful memories. One night though, I missed you so much that wearing it was the only comfort I could have. It eventually lost its smell of you.
Losing that, I can’t decide if it’s a curse or a blessing. Curse, because I’m afraid that I might forget us and lose you forever. And blessing because along the happy memories of the past comes the emptiness of the present without you. Without your comforting scent haunting me, I won’t be reminded of how much I miss you.
4 weeks ago