Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Stuck Again

At a loss for words 
Hideous feelings all too familiar
Same dark frightening hole
Unforgiving, relentless, destructive 
When will war end?
Conquering battles no longer suffice 

Escaping this torturous hell
A mere borrowed moment 
A dream, a tale told
What now?

Friday, February 18, 2011

Before It's Too Late

Spend time with them.
Don't let too much time pass before you call them.
Show them you care.
Be there for them when they're down.
Celebrate with them when they succeed.
Mean it when you say, "we should get together soon."
Tell them you love them... before it's too late.

Too often, we let a thing called life get in the way with doing what matters most. We are either too busy, sick, overwhelmed with a full plate or just plain lazy. I'm sure guilty with all of those. Even though I know everybody has an expiration date, subconsciously, it seems we all live forever so I procrastinate more than I should. There seems to be a million days ahead of me to actually bring truth to "we should do this again", "I miss you and I want to see you soon", "I will come back and visit with you again" and general warm and loving thoughts that remain just that-- thoughts.

This morning, someone I truly care about passed away and although I'm sad that she's gone, I'm more upset that I never got to see her again after I said I would. Sure, I was sick, sure I was busy with school but I'm also sure I could have gone and seen her if I really put more effort into it. But I got swallowed whole by "life" that I forgot to pay attention to people I love and care about. Lucky me, I still have people I love left and I have another chance at spending some of my time to what matters most. So do yourselves a favor and do what I didn't, before it's too late.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I'm Choosing My Adventure

And They Lived Happily Ever After...
Photo by Disneyspeak.com


A few days ago, I read a post by Dan about choosing your own adventure. The concept is new to me having been brought up in a foreign country. To my surprise, I chose the happy ending path. Every time a decision had to be made of what's going to happen next, I chose the positive action and ultimately got my happily ever after. I'm usually a pessimist, not by choice mind you, I just became jaded. That was confirmed when I started reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. I wasn't even aware of how negative my way of thinking had become. I haven't finished the book yet but since then, I made a conscious effort of changing my way of thinking. 98% of me was surprised to have chosen the happy path but 2% always knew I believed in fairy tales even though that has faded through the years. My theory of fairy tales will be for another day.

So today, I caught myself being tempted to take the negative path of life. I have been under the weather for a few days now due to cold and allergies so I'm feeling really unmotivated. My situation however is not allowing any of that. I have one more class to go until I finish my program then the real work begins with job hunting, which I'm kind of dreading. I attended a career search strategy seminar last week. I'm excited to get started but there is a lot of work involved. I need my good health back real soon. So, this morning, I started telling myself that I should just skip all the work I plan on doing today because I'm sick. Then out of nowhere, I asked myself which path I should take next as if my life is a story I read in Dan's post. Should I take the easy but unproductive way or should I choose to push on and do what I can because eventually I will get my happy ending? When I put it that way, it changed my attitude altogether. It didn't seem like such a stretch anymore to sit in front of my computer and start chippin' away at my project.

This might come naturally to others but I'm still getting to know myself and constantly learning. I was brought up in a very protective environment. My mom made all the decisions for me and did everything for me. It worked fine until I had to stand on my own two feet. It was a rude awakening. I don't blame her. She did the best she could and took really good care of me. I just have to make sure and remember to let my children learn to choose their own adventures with me as a guide but not the director.

From  now on, I will ask that question when I'm at the crossroads of life, "Which path are you going to choose?" How about you, what techniques do you use to keep yourself in track?
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Friday, February 4, 2011

In His Shoes

Hubby and I are like cat and dog these past two days. We would go long stretches with being harmonious but sometimes, we just can't even be in the same room. We have been married for eleven years, twelve next month. To this day, we still sometimes fight like we don't even know each other. For some, you would say that's passion but I'm not so sure. We are both stubborn and both like to be leaders. He's the man of the house and wants things to be that way but I don't agree with that. I'd much rather have a partnership. I like equality, don't you?
Illustration depicting thought.
So tonight, out of nowhere, a fight exploded. He annoyed the hell out of me and he couldn't take my "psycho logic" any longer. Yes, he said that about my reasoning. So he storms off and I was left thinking about things after crying a little bit and feeling rejected and alone. I hate being walked out on even if I didn't want to be in the same room as he is right after the argument. I guess I still wanted him under the same roof, just in a different room.

Anyway, I started thinking and this is what I came up with. I've already made up my mind about what happened and where he went wrong from my point of view. I was ready to counter attack when he came back I thought. Then after a pity party, I put myself in his shoes. I literally imagined seeing what took place through his eyes. It's amazing what my psyco logic concluded. Maybe this is nothing new to most but it was a revelation to me. I've never really put myself in someone's shoe to this extent, especially not in an "enemy's" perspective. So here it is. I understood where he was coming from. Anything I thought previously about my side and my feelings were void. He had a point, a reason to act the way he did. It doesn't mean my feelings were unfounded, just means that he didn't know exactly what was going on with me and just operated on the information that was visible to him. I'm not mad at him anymore. The negative feelings were neutralized after seeing what he saw. My feelings are still a little bruised though. Nothing that a good old wooing can't fix.
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