Anticipation

I hunger for what I want
like a lion eyeing it's prey.
Fueled by lust, by curiosity
by what can and what will be.
Waiting anxiously
like the dessert for the rain.
Longing ever constant,
thirsty for days.
Impatient to sink my teeth, my claws
into this delicious fantasy.
On the verge of an orgasm
but not quite reached the peak.
Hopeful that all the waiting
will satiate the long awaiting beast.

You Win

For as long as I can remember,
you kept me at arm’s length.
A little window here, a little crack there,
but never the full open view.
You invite me in your life
but never let me in.
You built walls around yourself
I can only dream of crumbling.
You wear an impermeable armor,
I can never take off.

I pushed and I pulled.
I loved and I hated.
Opened my senses,
learned to compromise.

Try as I may
all my efforts are futile.
You win.

When Hope Dies

Joy, dreams, memories die with it.
Clouds mirror my state of being,
quietly sobbing with me
like a loyal companion to a grieving friend.
My stomach growls, hurting
in the process of devouring me
into oblivion.
Starved for a handful of dirt
in your acres of affection.
Crumbs, a single drop, a second thought,
is that what I've come to believe I'm worth?
I was born today many years ago,
but today I bury hope,
my heart's wake.

Reading Epiphany

To my darling husband


A foreign concept, a mere idea
as distant as another world.
A belief aided partly by poverty,
and partly by ignorance.
The lack of aroused interest.

Shelves full of books,
mind filled with awe,
possibilities never ending.
You inspire me.

Caught a whiff of a glorious symphony,
felt the allure of a place beyond my own.
My tongue unearthed the voice of loss,
witnessed distress that rattled my core,
challenged my soul.

I am awakened,
awareness echoing off
the walls of my existence.

Here's Hoping

Hope sees possibilities,
hears a melody,
smells fragrant flowers,
tastes sweet candy.
Feels magical beyond belief,
lives inside of me.

Hope stays, lingers,
blossoms like spring.
Remains in my heart like
music stuck in my brain.
Stubborn, persistent like a
suitor standing in the rain.

I hope you come.
I hope you stay.
I hope what we had
is forever and a day.

My Heart, My Youth

Balloon
Once full of vibrance
Full of life
A reason to smile
To dream and to believe

Pricked by the painful needle of life
Too many times
Steadily and quickly
My heart, my youth slithers
Away from it's once beautiful
Once innocent home

Neither tape nor gauze
Can patch the damage

Trapped in a cage
Unable to move, unable to leave
Unable to change what's unfolding

Spectator of my own balloon
Deflating out of control
Until it's lost its meaning
Now reduced to only a distant memory

My Crush on the Bus

About a couple years ago, a man who rides my bus caught my attention. He has deep blue eyes, nice pointy nose, kissable healthy looking lips, about 6'4" tall and wearing a wedding ring. Two years ago, I was different, I didn't swing. I know he's off limits and so was I so the admiration went on harmlessly.

Photo Source

Time passed, bus routes changed and I never saw him again until about four months ago or so. He looks at me like someone would towards someone whom he recognizes. This time, I'm a swinger and know that our situation has changed. I looked at his hand to find the ring and to my surprise, it's no longer there. My heart skips a beat. Blood rushes to my head. I'm excited with all the possibilities but do I do anything about it? Yes, I dream.

He looks at me every time he hops on the bus and sits across me then reads his book. I pretend to read my book or fiddle with my IPhone but I'm really memorizing his face, imagining how his lips would feel on mine and on the sensitive parts of my body. I tingle all over just thinking of what could be. All he has to do is look me in the eye and I freeze.

He sits right next to me one day and I about died on my seat. His arms brushed mine and I jerked my arm away from him, involuntarily. He looks at me and mumbles, "I'm sorry" but I swear I just saw his mouth moved and the whole world stopped and then resumed in slow motion. What did the sex goddess in me do? Smile back like a goofball. I was so nervous that my smile showed just how painful it was for me to manage a smile. I wanted to hit myself right after I realized how unattractive and dorky I must have looked. Way to go sexy. And to think people usually compliment my smile. I let myself down.

As much of a horn dog as I am, I'm really shy when it comes to men or women who I find very attractive. I melt and they don't even have to say anything to me. I don't think I will ever gather the courage to talk to this guy. If he's even interested, I'm sure my wedding ring would stop him from doing anything. My friend said I should dump my drink on him or lick and suck on a straw or even wink at him. No way! I could never do any of those things unless I'm drunk. Now, if any of you have any suggestions how I can break the ice, I'd gladly consider.

I still wonder what it would be like to play with him. I've imagined a lot of naughty things I want to do to him and with him. If only.