There is something to be said about doing things for yourself than for others. I have always always been a people-pleaser type of a gal and it's not always a good thing. I guess growing up always wanting my parents to be proud of me had a bit to do with that. It's good when it inspires and drives you to succeed but it's a double-edged sword.
What happened this afternoon is a picture of the other edge. My husband had mentioned how he wished our house was in a more orderly fashion. We had visited his bachelor friend who kept his house immaculate. Not only does he have someone come in and clean his house for him, he doesn't have children either. He's also very deligent when it comes to picking up after himself. How can one compete with that? I used to keep our house as clean and organized as I can but I just didn't have the time nor energy to keep it up anymore. It was either that or my sanity and I chose the latter. Now, it's not so ordelry but it's not disgusting either. I adapted to the saying, "If you can't beat them, join them."
I never thought an immaculate house meant that much to my husband because I pick up after him most of the time. Clutter never seemed to bother him in the past. It would bug me first before it ever gets in his nerves. Whatever the real reason for his sudden change of heart is not the topic today. It's how I foolishly thought I can make him happy by doing something about the clutter. Provided, I didn't get the whole house done but I got a good chunk of it done. Enough for him to notice and appreciate. Unfortunately, the reaction I got was not the one I anticipated. It didn't make that much difference and for that I was sad and disappointed. It was then that I realized I did it for the wrong reason. I've been meaning to clean the house anyway but I should have done it for me, in my own pace and for my own satisfaction and not his. The trouble with doing it for someone else is that you leave your heart open for crushing. If you're doing it for you, you'd be happy with the result no matter how small it is.
This doesn't just apply to this one aspect of life. This applies to almost everything. It could be writing, cooking or whatever the case maybe. I used to run into the same problem with cooking. I thought for a long time that cooking was just not for me because the people I was trying to impress weren't happy with it. When I started cooking for myself, I was a more forgiving critic and I learned from my mistakes instead of run away from them. What I'm hoping you take away from this is that it's better to always start with yourself. If you're happy with your creation then it won't matter much what others have to say. Oddly enough, it's much like the art of loving. You have to love yourself first before you can love others.
art journaling lately
21 hours ago