My Silence

I didn’t disappear for a while there because I had some matters of the heart to sort out. That was definitely part of the struggles I had but not the major one. November, I received news that would change my life as I knew it.

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I was one of the many who finally joined the unemployed population. Our whole department was shut down and moved to another state. After working there for years, I can't say I've never wondered what life is like outside of my cube. I always had an excuse for staying where I was. When we first heard of the news, I had mixed emotions. Part of me was excited for the new opportunity I now have but scared at the same time for the unknown. There were always daydream of how much greener the other side would be but never once did it occur to me that there would be a lot of work involved in caring for that grass and making it as green as it is in my dreams. I guess the innocent side of me or rather the naïve side just thought or maybe hoped it would be handed out to me already green. Dum Dum!

Torn, that's what I am right now. Excited but lost. People I know think I have it made not having to go to work anymore. Of course these are the people who still have their jobs. Funny how time should be in abundance now that I'm unemployed but I still feel like I'm chasing it. Yes I do have more flexibility now with my time, I just have to learn how to manage it better and have a routine. I'm a creature of structure and right now, it's all chaos. I still feel like I don't have enough time to do things I truly enjoy. I haven't even played much lately.

Looking for a job is not all fun and games, in fact, it's no fun at all. While I'm doing that week after week, I'm also working on going back to school for software engineering. It always ends up to be more work that I first anticipate it to be and becoming more and more overwhelmed. My days have been filled with worry, research and headache with this whole going back to school business. I hope it's all going to be worth it in the end.

So that's why I was quiet for a while.